Guilty of not adapting to Dutch culture
More details have now been released about the Dutch couple who gave back their adopted Korean daughter after being the child’s parents for seven years:
A diplomat accused of “dumping†his adopted daughter flew home yesterday after triggering a row about the ethics of Europeans adopting Asian children.
Jade, a seven-year-old of South Korean origin, is the focus of an escalating dispute across two continents. At the age of four months she was adopted by a Dutch consular officer based in Hong Kong, Raymond Poeteray, and his wife Meta. But the couple have now surrendered Jade to the Hong Kong social welfare department for readoption, reportedly because the child could not adapt to Dutch culture.
The revelation has sparked protests amid claims that the couple were treating the child as if she were an unwanted present. She had been discarded like “a piece of household rubbishâ€, said the Dutch daily De Telegraaf. [Times of London]
“Could not adopt to Dutch culture?” What does that mean? The baby from four months old would only know the culture these parents taught her. This passage from the Times of London article clearly explains the real reason why the child could not adapt to Dutch culture:
Dutch newspapers tracked down a former babysitter yesterday who took care of Jade when she was a baby in Indonesia. She too was bemused by the fate of the little girl whom she remembers as a quiet but normal child. “I took care of her in the evenings, while an Indonesian woman was with her in the daytime,†she told De Telegraaf. “But Meta did not treat as her real daughter.â€
The Hong Kong authorities are searching for new adoptive parents. Jade speaks Cantonese and English and, despite the claims that she could not communicate with her parents, some Dutch.
Here is even more from the Indonesian maid that cared for the child:
A nanny who cared for an adopted Korean girl given up by a senior Dutch diplomat and his family claims the girl was not treated like a normal daughter, a news report said Friday.
She was rarely in her mother’s arms and always in the care of someone else, according to a former Indonesian maid quoted in South China Morning Post Friday.
The woman, who has requested not to be named, worked for the Dutch vice-consul Raymond Poeteray and his wife Meta in Hong Kong and when the family was based in Jakarta in 2002.
She said she thought it strange that the girl, now eight, was so quiet.
‘They did not treat her the same way as the son. There was not the love there,’ the maid told The Post. [M&C]
Raymond & Meta Poeteray
Obviously they were not treating Jade as one of their real children if they didn’t bother to teach her Dutch at home and then criticize her for it afterwards. Then the fact that these parents did not bother to complete her Dutch citizenship they claim was simply an “administrative oversight”. How the heck do you forget to complete citizenship for your own daughter? Could it be as the babysitter says, they never considered her as their daughter in the first place? Raymond Poeteray was the Consul (Management & Consular Affairs) in the Dutch embassy, he probably wouldn’t even need to wait in line like the rest of us poor saps who have had to deal with citizenship paperwork at our respective embassies.
I bet they found time to complete the citizenship paperwork for their biological children that I’m assuming were born while they were overseas. I’m also willing to bet that if their biological children had “bonding problems” they would not have given them up.
The more you read about this the more it becomes clear that Jade was nothing more than a kiddy prop for them when they didn’t think they could have children. It appears the Dutch press is rightfully hammering them and Raymond Poeteray has also been recalled back to the Netherlands to explain what is going on. It appears he is going to experience little heat since they are standing behind his actions. How do you defend someone that is one of your highest ranking diplomats at your respective embassy and he doesn’t even bother filling out citizenship paperwork for his daughter is beyond me.
Is there anyone else left out there that wants to defend their actions besides the Dutch government?
If you want to register your displeasure with the Poeterays you can find his email address listed here and the Dutch consular website has his phone number and fax numbers along with more e-mail addresses listed here.
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7:10 pm on December 14th, 2007 1
I’d like to think there is a special place in Hell reserved for people like the Poeterays.
7:15 pm on December 14th, 2007 2
9:54 pm on December 14th, 2007 3
Well, Peter Pan disagrees with you. It’s the fault of that 7 year old Korean wench prostitute who couldn’t adapt to Dutch culture. We all know Koreans only know Koreans. You can’t take a Korea out of a Korean!
Koreans hypocrites they are, they are freaking about this when they have like 1600 foreign adoptions to America per year - tops in the world. It’s incredibly hypocritical for Koreans to riot and act up like they don’t do the same or even worse things. They probably bribed all the people around to get mad. So what if she was named after a porn star? Why the hell would anyone give this Korean bitch a Dutch citizenship or teach her Dutch? Koreans do the same thing to their kids before they give them up - they teach their kids gibberish so are they any worse than this poor Dutch couple? Hypocrites making a stink about nothing again! Koreans! ughghgh!
10:45 pm on December 14th, 2007 4
Tom,
I feel angry in your heart.
Were you adopted and than abandonded by korean people?
Hahaha !!!!
2:24 am on December 15th, 2007 5
The consumer ‘pet children’ approach (like Madonna) reminds me of something I saw earlier: there is a site you can Google, from angry people about what they call their ‘transracial abduction’. I wouldn’t bring race into it but these now-grown-up Asian-born adoptees make a similar point about using a child as a ‘China doll’ you can dress up in national costume to show how cool and open-minded you are.
The liberal English woman with the Kenyan school-aged girl who made the news recently by not going through with the adoption and putting the girl ‘in care’ (the girl was not an orphan but abandoned by her birth mother) made a similar mistake but was foolish not evil.
Can’t think of an excuse for this.
3:58 am on December 15th, 2007 6
The article I read elsewhere didn’t have much of the above, nothing from former workers in the home, but did have quotes from the man which said that the little girl had been under psychiatric care for being highly withdrawn and so on……..It sounded possible…..but with some of the other items that have come out…..my guess is that it will turn out to be something they came up with as a cover-up…..
I’m thinking mainly about the fact that the girl can speak Cantonese and English. If she learned those two languages, I find it too difficult to believe she would be highly developmentally handicapped — to the point adoptive parents might be such bastards for sending her elsewhere.
Also…..if the girl is being put back up for adoption —– I find it too hard to believe the doctors and adoption service said it was in the girl’s best interest to be taken away from the family…which was the claim in the other article I read.
There is no reason a child that can pick up two languages before the age of 7 could not pick up Dutch as well —– beyond the idea that she wasn’t around people speaking Dutch enough to get it (like her freaking (adoptive) parents….)……..
3:59 am on December 15th, 2007 7
might not be such bastards….
4:42 am on December 15th, 2007 8
[...] claiming she didn’t “fit in” with their lifestyle. Via reader Rand M. and the ROKDrop blog, there is a follow-up at the Times of London with more heart-rending, blood pressure-raising [...]
5:25 am on December 15th, 2007 9
I think the “china doll” analogy is a very accurate one in this case.
Also the psychiatric care comments are clearly a cover to get rid of the girl. If one of their biological children had similar problems does anyone think they would get rid of that child?
I’m willing to bet they were tired of people making comments on how their adopted daughter could not speak Dutch and how quiet she was, or how picky with food she was, etc. Due to this she was no long the cool “china doll” they adopted and it was time to get rid of her.
5:46 am on December 15th, 2007 10
I think you got it in your original entry: they adopted her out of desperation when they thought they were barren then when they got what they really wanted they didn’t want her any more, hence the second-class treatment everybody noticed, the psych excuse (you’re right: they wouldn’t have done that to their natural children) and getting rid of her.
The ‘China doll’ syndrome is more what that foolish woman in England did (she was ‘into the culture’): she wasn’t evil but took on more than she could handle by adopting an older African child who remembered her natural family.
8:06 am on December 15th, 2007 11
I feel really sad for Jade. One cannot throw away even a dog or a cat after 7 years together! Can Jade ever trust people after this traumatic experience?
8:47 am on December 15th, 2007 12
9:33 am on December 15th, 2007 13
Tom,
You have some serious issues.
9:38 am on December 15th, 2007 14
I thought that the man in the photo link at the Marmot’s did not look of Western European ancestry, so I googled in Dutch and found a better photo:
http://www.telegraaf.nl/binnenland/2773980/_Onze_dochter_is_ziek__.html
They are a mixed race couple. She is white and he looks South or Southeast Asian in origin; thus, their two biological children are mixed race anyway. I don’t think the Korean ancestry of the child was the reason for rejecting her. It was simply a matter of genes. Infertile parents spend tens, even hundreds of dollars on fertility treatments, rather than adopt because they want to raise children who are genetically related to them. Likewise, Koreans avoid adoption for the same reason - great cultural value placed on blood relationships.
9:42 am on December 15th, 2007 15
I see you had already found the same photo.
10:12 am on December 15th, 2007 16
10:21 am on December 15th, 2007 17
I thought of that as well when I saw him, Sonagi - he could be Indonesian, common in the Netherlands because of its colonial history. So maybe they’re not racist, only selfish.
10:25 am on December 15th, 2007 18
So ,South or Southeast Asians can’t be racist?
10:48 am on December 15th, 2007 19
Good point. He could be an Indonesian who doesn’t really like Koreans.
10:52 am on December 15th, 2007 20
Anyone can be racist, but we have no evidence even to infer that the couple rejected the girl because of her ethnicity or racial features. Any accusations of racism are pure conjecture.
11:36 am on December 15th, 2007 21
I’ve never heard of Indonesians wanting to adopt babies from Korea.
Maybe the wife wanted the child, the husband didn’t.
11:54 am on December 15th, 2007 22
The man is Dutch. His ancestry is Indonesian. And why would you hear of Indonesians adopting Korean children anyway? Infertile Indonesian couples are probably able to adopt domestically and do not need to go to the expense and trouble of international adoptions.
12:37 pm on December 15th, 2007 23
The issue here isn’t race. The entire world (with the possible exception of Peter Pan) is outraged by this story because a defenseless orphan is being treated cruelly by people who should know better.
The only positive thing I can say about this is that she now has a fighting chance of getting a better life. I can’t imagine the kind of hell she would’ve experienced if she had stayed with the Poeterays for 10 more years. I have no doubt that all of the media this case has received has attracted the attention of some decent people.
Frankly, I wouldn’t be so sure the Poeterays’ other kids lead a charmed life either. This kind of cruelty usually doesn’t exist in isolation.
12:50 pm on December 15th, 2007 24
Speaking of Peter Pan, where is he? Oh I know he’s in utopia Japan, but why doesn’t he come back and post his outrage at Korean hypocrisy?
I’m the gang leader here, so I demand to know why.
12:58 pm on December 15th, 2007 25
This is disgusting. It’s fortunate for the child that she has a chance, this young, to start over in a family that will love her.
5:33 pm on December 15th, 2007 26
11:23 pm on December 15th, 2007 27
They had the girl when she was only FOUR months old.. not four years old. It’s easier to believe them if they tell you that they had been abducted by aliens before than to believe that the girl was not able to adapt to their culture.
It’s only right to expose them for the cold heartless liars that they are.
12:35 am on December 16th, 2007 28
“they didn’t bother to teach her Dutch at home and then criticize her for it afterwards”- well, that is exactly what the Dutch culture is like! I lived in the Netherlands for 8 years and, despite many mixed couples there, I have never been in a more racist place in my life! I learnt Dutch language fluently within the year, but the RESISTANCE of Dutch people against foreigners who speak their language, was huge! You would start speaking in Dutch - and the moment they hear your accent, they would start replying to you in English, deliberately! I found it very unpleasant. I literally had to force them to give me the chance to speak their language with them. No matter how good you speak it, no matter how hard to try to adjust to the Dutch, you’ll just never be “one of their own”, and they make you feel that constantly too! I now live among the Irish and am just accepted as I am, as part of the society - even though they know I am foreign - and it feels great!
After living in the Netherlands I do understand why was it people of Dutch origin who invented apartheid in South Africa (it’s a Dutch word, by the way!)
4:43 am on December 16th, 2007 29
6:33 am on December 21st, 2007 30
Rina I lived in the Netherlands as well but never found the racism you encounter. Oh yea Dutch people definitely switch to English if you dont speak fluent Dutch but I always thought it was more to make it easier for me to communicate (given that they are all bilingual anyways). Just goes to show how racism can often be invented in the mind as well.
If I ever wanted to practice my Dutch, all I had to was vocalize my intention. They would usually be delighted and start speaking slower to help me out.
Oh and Tom. My heart bleeds for you. I guess the search for the Korean “parents” who threw you out into the garbage isnt going too well.
11:26 am on December 21st, 2007 31
The Dutch insist on speaking English, the French refuse to speak English, the Scotch speak unintelligible English!
The lesson here is…
…if you aren’t doing what I want you to, right now, in the way I want it, you are raciest!
11:40 am on December 21st, 2007 32
This has nothing to do with them being Dutch. Where the parents are from has nothing to do with why they gave up the child. The couple should not be criticized because of where they are from but instead for the reasoning for giving up the child.
8:50 pm on December 22nd, 2007 33
5:09 pm on December 28th, 2007 34
3:36 pm on January 24th, 2008 35
You all seem to be forgetting an important point. Many of you have said something to the effect of “they wouldn’t give back their biological children if they had psychological problems”. While it is quite possible that they may have been more tolerant of their own kids, many parents do try to “give back” their biological children who have behavioral problems. It used to be acceptable, although unspoke of, for children to be dropped off at state run mental facilities and left for life with not so much as a visit. Even now, it is common practice for parents with children who are delinquent or who they can’t “cope” with to be turned over to state run group facilities or juvenile home programs. While it doesn’t seem to be necessarily the case here, and I am in no way condoning that kind of behavior, the girls could have indeed had psychological troubles and the parents decision to return her could have stemmed from that. We can only hope that maybe she got lucky. Psychological troubles are common in adopted children, including the inability to form a bond or attachment to the parents. There are cases when a child’s behavior was so disturbed that it drove parents to violence, and in some cases, adopted children have been killed. I am just playing a bit of a devil’s advocate here. And again I am in no way condoning this. I just wanted to say that there is more than one way to look at it. And there is certainly, more than one kind of evil parent.
12:54 pm on April 1st, 2008 36
“Oh and Tom. My heart bleeds for you. I guess the search for the Korean “parents” who threw you out into the garbage isnt going too well.”
Well said “V”
What people are forgetting in this story is how common it is for Koreans to toss their children to an orphanage. You can hear every excuse in the book, but never hear the truth, that they don’t want the child. Many orphans, as much as 25% are sent to the orphanage just because the parents divorce and neither parent wants the child.
Tom, is that what happended to you? That is very sad.