By I’m surprised someone hadn’t thought of doing something stupid like this earlier:
There are all kinds of "evildoers" in Iraq, and military officials are seeking to put an end to a rather unusual one.
According to messages posted in a military newspaper for Camp Anaconda, near Balad, Army authorities are seeking the "Porta-John Arsonist," the person responsible for torching at least four of the portable latrines since the beginning of April.
The fires — in various housing pods of the base — caused an estimated damage of $4,000, officials said. No injuries were reported in the incidents. [Stars & Stripes]
When I was in Kuwait waiting for the word for my unit to cross the berm into Iraq during the war, we stayed out in the desert in a camp made up of circus tents and porta-potties. During this time there was somebody who was deliberately crapping on toilet seats in the different porta-potties and would then write about his exploits on the walls of the porta-potty. He became known as the “Shithouse Bandit”. If anyone would have ever caught the “Shithouse Bandit” he would of been beaten to a pulp but no one ever did before we rolled out.
I wonder how long before someone in USFK thinks this is a great idea to try out the next time their unit is in the field?
3:10 am on May 15th, 2008 1
I’ve run across a few ‘phantom shitters’ while associating with the military. I will never forget at one AOB we walked into a conference room reserved for a meeting with Rumsfeld in an obscure country and there was a large pile, still steaming, in the middle of the conference table. Luckily somebody caught it right before he wandered in and there was a frantic last-minute schedule adjustment.
I really cannot imagine an age at which that would be funny. IT did show some creativity, though.
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7:28 am on May 15th, 2008 2
Later on in Iraq we had the cousin of the Shithouse Bandit appear “The Mad Crapper”. The Mad Crapper used to leave shit all over the porta-potti and leave graffiti in the porta-potti as well. I never saw anyone that was willing to shit on the middle of a conference table though.
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9:15 am on May 15th, 2008 3
How about the phantom cummer who spooges all over the inside of the porta-john doors at RSOI/UFL.
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3:48 pm on May 15th, 2008 4
Bob,
“…we walked into a conference room reserved for a meeting with Rumsfeld in an obscure country and there was a large pile, still steaming, in the middle of the conference table.”
Duuuude! You missed the best chance the world ever offered anyone! How could you have let it go?
I’d have run off and found two small boxes and set them on the table… with one box covering the Pile and the other one next to it.
The box covering the Pile would have been labeled “Rumsfeld’s Strategy, Tactics and Operations” (that would be shait).
The empty box would have been labeled “Rumsfeld’s Post-Invasion Occupation Plan” (ain’t shiat).
Heh heh heh! Imagine the looks when they lifted the boxes.
Awkward.
If that went over well, I could put a box over my privates and label it “What Rumsfeld Knows About Troop Strength” (diiick).
…and maybe one over the heater vent “Rumsfeld’s Carefully Crafted Propaganda Tying Saddam to Osama as Well as WMDs” (hot air).
Shoot. I’d have to get a whole bunch of boxes.
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7:51 am on May 16th, 2008 5
Heh. At the moment, I was just worried about losing my job. And this would have been sometime in….2003, I think, so a bit premature.
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12:15 am on May 17th, 2008 6
[...] Jesus (read the comments, too)… are even Gitmo inmates forced to suffer comparable indignities? [...]
10:05 am on May 17th, 2008 7
I knew a guy in the Canadian military who pushed a port-a-pottie over while a guy was sitting in it. He pushed it forward and the matter in the septic tank came gushing out of the toilet, soaking the guy inside while his drawers were down. Plus, he couldn’t get out because the door was trapped against the ground. I can’t think of many things that would ruin your day more than that.
During infantry training it was common for someone to write in felt pen above the toilet paper in the loo:
PPCLI Achievement Certificates
Take one ->
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6:18 am on May 19th, 2008 8
[...] Anyways, here’s a little tidbit, which is too fucked up to be a falsehood. Good blog as well: http://rokdrop.com/2008/05/14/the-porta-john-arsonist-is-wanted-in-iraq/ "I?ve run across a few ?phantom shitters? while associating with the military. I will never [...]
10:31 am on May 20th, 2008 9
When I was with 2-9 IN we went out to KTC for Gunnery in September 2004. My BC at the time had a great idea of putting butcher block paper in the bathroom stall walls to curb graffiti. Believe it or not this actually worked, but one day someone wrote in the their own poop on the paper “I am the Shitmaster”. We never knew who it was and months later in 2005 we went back out to Gunnery and someone wrote “Return of the Shitmaster” in the same manner. That should answer your question that it has already been done.
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