A friend on Facebook sent this to me and sadly there is some truth to this funny map.  However, shouldn’t Canada be igloos?  Also I guess Korea got wrapped in with China and Japan.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas on the DMZ

(c) 2010 ChickenHeadLab

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the DMZ,

the darkness was stirred by a lone Christmas tree.

Love gifts were hung from the balloons with care,

in hopes they’d pass north through the cold winter air.

The soldiers were nestled all snug in their bunks,

while visions of peaceful reunification gave them goose bumps.

With a ho in her hooker boots, and I in the buff,

I had just bent her over to treat her ass good and rough.

When out on the lawn arose loud banging and clicking,

I sprang from my bed to see whose ass needed kicking.

Away to the window I flew all in fear,

knocked over my soju and two bottles of beer.

The moon on the snow and the flares in the sky,

gave the luster of mid-day so I could not deny.

When, what to my wondering eyes should I see,

but a horde of Nork soldiers, tanks and artillery.

With pictures of Dear Leader and muzzle flashes aglow,

I wished for more combat training instead of briefings from EO.

They yelled threats and commands, I knew I was funked.

My Tagalog was great but my Korean skills sucked.

“Now, Kim! Now, Lee! Now, Park and Gong!

On, Choi! On Kwak! On, Nam and Song!

To the top of the hill! To the top of the wall!

Now kill the white devils, kill them all!”

And they hit the main gate the first time they tried,

where napping KATUSAs with empty guns died.

They attacked the wall of the BX and opened a chasm,

and looted the place, a black market orgasm.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard down the hall,

shooting and stabbing and harsh Han Gook Mal.

As I searched for a weapon and looked all around,

an evil Nork soldier came in with a bound.

He was dressed all in rags, from his head to his foot,

and his sockless toes could be seen through his boot.

A smoking AK he had flung on his back,

and I picked up my XBox to give him a whack.

His eyes — how they twinkled! Narrow and scarry!

But he looked like a teen who still had his cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up in rage,

and though I hadn’t saved my game, I had to engage.

A rusty old knife, he held in his teeth,

as with hunger abound, he’d likely eaten the sheath.

He had a big square head and lacked any belly,

while I only passed my tape test on a diet of petroleum jelly.

I put down my XBox and said, “Here’s the deal.”

“If you don’t kill me, I’ll cook you a meal.”

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his plate,

and gobbled Hamburger Helper like a trailer park date.

To get him to leave, I thought of more ploys,

“Why don’t you take my hot juicy back to your boys?”

He sprang out the door with my juicy in tow,

and the last that I saw, they’d formed a line in the snow.

I hid under my bed with my XBox on,

And played Medal of Honor ’till the airstrike got here from Guam.

Vigilante justice has come to Seattle, and the caped crusaders drive a Kia.

Seattle police say a group of self-described superheroes have been patrolling the streets at night trying to save people from crime. They call themselves the Rain City Superhero Movement and say they’re part of a nationwide movement of real-life crime fighters.

The national website — cited in a police bulletin sent to Seattle officers Wednesday — states “a Real Life Superhero is whoever chooses to embody the values presented in super heroic comic books, not only by donning a mask/costume, but also performing good deeds for the communitarian place whom he inhabits.”

Police say the “costume-wearing complainants” are lucky they haven’t been hurt.

In one instance, police say a caped crusader dressed in black was nearly shot when he came running out of a dark park. In another case, a witness on Capitol Hill saw the crusaders wearing ski masks in a car parked at a Shell station and thought they were going to rob the place.

Police got the license plate and found those masked characters drove a Kia Fate registered to one of the character’s godmothers, department staff said. She told police her godson goes around doing good deeds.   [Seattle PI]

Read the rest at the link but as Tim Blair says who would have thought a small Korean sedan would the crime fighting vehicle of choice?

Following South Korea’s campaign to rename the Sea of Japan to the Korean-favored ‘East Sea’, the United States is set to do the same. While the rest of the world may call it the Pacific Ocean, the United States will simply call it the ‘West Sea’. The Atlantic Ocean will be referred as the ‘East Sea’ as well, which may cause some confusion.

The United States Board on Geographical Names (BGN) has ruled that “while the international community has the right to continue using the historical terms ‘Pacific Ocean’ and ‘Atlantic Ocean’, we feel it is our right to rename these bodies of water in whatever way we want. Besides, these waters have been washing up on American shores for hundreds of years – isn’t it time to change the name?”

Read the rest at Chris In South Korea.

Via the Far East Cynic.

I know this has nothing to do with Korea, but I thought it was funny.

Via PowerPoint Ranger.

Via PowerPoint Ranger.

I always found having the new guy go pick up some blinker fluid to be the funniest gag to pull.

Via Delta Bravo Sierra.

Via PowerPoint Ranger.